“Okay I get what you want, but this is—this is ridiculous!”

Normally Lars wouldn’t be hiding himself so much in Shoal Cave unless it was the height of summer, but this was one instance he had to put his foot down.

As always, he was at the lowest level of Shoal Cave, communicating with the deity who had practically summoned him here—while he was in the middle of trying to get rid of as much paperwork as possible get some work done back in Lilycove.

‘You heard me!’

“All of them? Like—every single one of them?!” he continued to exclaim, flabbergasted. Surely they weren’t serious…

‘You heard me correctly. Even if it isn’t all of them, like what some of you crazy humans do—’

“Hey!” he exclaimed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

‘Which is why I said not all of them. Even just their final forms would do. I hate being alone down here.’

“Look, I don’t want to trap you within the confines of a Pokéball—”

‘As you should—’

“Alright, alright!” he said at last, throwing his hands up. “But I swear, if this list also includes Jynx—”

‘You know it will!’

“…WHAT?!”

There was this unreadable look of disgust on his face as he made the trek down to the lowest levels of Shoal Cave once more.

He couldn’t fucking believe that he had to wrestle a Jynx in ‘Mortal Kombat’ and had to capture the damned thing!

All to appease the deity he was here to meet at the cavern where the Articuno made its roost.

“There, are you happy?!” he began as he quickly fished out a Dusk Ball and threw it upward, watching as the red beam of light transform into a Jynx, twirling and landing en pointe as it emerged from its depths.

Lars then had to pinch the bridge of his nose in frustration as he heard the equivalent of snarking laughter echoing inside his head.

‘I never thought you would actually do it.’

“Because you made me!” he exclaimed, sighing as he looked up. While he couldn’t see it, he was pretty sure the deity was laughing their ass off in his face as the Jynx continued to skate across the ice in front of him.

‘What do you mean, I made you? It was part of the agreement!’

“Oh shut up,” he grumbled as he let out an exasperated sigh. “You only wanted to watch me suffer, didn’t you?!”

‘And what if I did?’

“Geez, you’re worse than they are…” he groaned.

He was very sure skyler dross wasn’t going to let him live this down.

‘Do you have any idea why I asked you to bring the horse here with you today?’

It was yet another day in Shoal Cave, and the deity wasn’t pulling any punches. With a very explicit request, Lars had to rein in the strange equine he’d befriended not too long ago and had to ride the danged thing all the way down to the lowest levels of Shoal Cave just to show the deity what he’d found wandering around the place.

“No, why?” he asked as he slid off the equine’s back. Normally, with most people they would be suffering the beginning stages of frostbite the longer they stayed on the back of this equally-frigid equine.

But in Lars’s case, it was nothing but a tickle.

‘I just wanted to meet this one, is that so bad?’ the deity snarked, and Lars could only roll his eyes.

“I let this one run around on the higher levels of shoal Cave, apparently there are a few extra ‘secret’ passageways that only this equine knows about and it’s a literal winter wonderland. Though I wouldn’t know why they don’t want to ride all the way down here. Maybe because they don’t want to step on your toes.”

‘Pft, please. If it wasn’t for me, you’d be in the hospital dealing with frostbite symptoms when you reined that horse in!’

“Wait, what do you mean—”

‘It’s simple, you idiot. I had half a mind to temporarily leave you in the lurch and deal with the horse alone—’

“You—what?!” he exclaimed, pinching the bridge of his nose once more.

‘However, I am also a merciful one. Just in this instance.’

“Are you telling me that you’d have left me alone in the lurch while I was riding this Pokémon around the caverns?!” he exclaimed.

‘Maybe I did. Maybe I didn’t. Be thankful I spared you the mercy of not suffering frostbite because we share the same immunity now.’

“Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence…”

‘You little shit.’

‘What?’ Lars blinked, relentless and unforgiving as the deity was trying not to scream another round of profanities at him.

‘Why’d you call me that? Did I do something wrong?’ he continued as he bit through another snow cone (this one flavored ‘Tiger Blood’ this time, whatever that was) as he meandered along through the sandy hell scape known as the Slateport Beach.

‘Is this how you’re keeping me quiet? With those—those weird ice-flavored treats?!’

‘Why not? I mean, it’s cold, it keeps you calm, so—we both benefit from it,’ he continued to himself as he took another huge bite.

The day was long, he didn’t know who his next challenger was, and this was a rare occurrence—him being able to score another ‘snark point’ versus the deity?

Inconceivable.

‘Oh so now you need my help?’

‘What? It’s been a constant problem in my side! Look, try reining in a cannibalistic monster and see what happens! Don’t tell me you eat humans, too?!’

‘I—am not going to answer that, you know.’

‘So you do?!’

‘What would you do if I told you that I did?’

‘Well, shit.’

Lars was down in the deepest reaches of Shoal Cave once again, this time accompanied by a certain Abomasnow he’d ‘reined in’ previously.

What was particular about this Abomasnow was the fact that he’d met it also in Shoal Cave, so long ago, and that this Abomasnow had eaten some kidnapped children in the process!

Which made it all the more worse.

Who knew what the dual-type was thinking behind the constantly bloodshot eyes that were glaring at him, across from the sheet of ice where the deity had asked him to travel down to once again to observe just what the hell was going on.

‘I was kidding!’ the snarky voice echoed in the back of his mind, before appearing in a rush of cold wind and falling chunks of ice.

‘What the hell?! How was that a joke?!’

‘You clearly have a different level of humor than I do.’

‘Well, that’s dark, coming from you.’

‘You do remember those legends from other places that paint me as the harbinger of doom in the cold, icy mountains that you’ve read on… that’s quite a stretch. Again, I said I was joking about the eating people part!’

‘Didn’t sound like you were, though.’

‘Very funny, Laurence.’

‘Oh, shut up.’

‘Well, have you conquered the fiend?’

‘What makes you say?’

‘I have a way of knowing these things. And I also know that before I showed up here, that Glalie was the one who reigned with an ironclad will around these parts.’

Lars was down in the deepest reaches of Shoal Cave again, right at the cavern where the deity that called this place home resided.

“Yeah, about that…” he trailed off as he crossed his arms with a frown on his face.

‘What, are you concerned that someone saw you? Isn’t that stupid paper you keep thinking of kind of the reason we’re not a secret anymore, though.’

“I really wanted to keep it a secret as long as possible, you know this. However… yeah. Things happened.”

‘Things that were out of our control happened, you mean,’ the iceborne deity corrected him.

“It is what it is.”

‘I noticed something about you.’

‘What?’

‘You have a tendency to overthink.’

‘Is that a bad thing? Well, you have a tendency to snark me too much!’

As always, the two were—well, bickering. Or, having a snark-fest, more like.

‘What can I say? I can’t help myself, especially around you and those other humans you interact with a lot.’

‘So what about them? Do you have a problem with any of them?’

‘Well… it would depend if you have a problem with them. I’m just here sharing your headspace.’

‘Sometimes the snarking can get a bit out of hand, other times it helps me stay calm, you know?’

‘Why, thank you for the complement.’

‘Yeah, right, well you’re not getting any more complements from me if you keep sassing me!’

Just another day between Lars and the iceborne deity.

‘WHAT?!’

‘Come on!’

‘Absolutely NOT!’

‘Look, my friend can’t go because they’re terrified of ghosts, so they asked if I could take their slot instead!’

The two had convened again in the lowest reaches of Shoal Cave, however there was this look of desperation on Lars’s face as they stared down the deity, who was chilling in the lowest level surrounded by ice.

Of course he wasn’t affected by the sheer cold, but still—

‘There are many things I am capable of doing. Humiliating myself is not one of them!’

‘Look, it’s just this one thing! I swear, this thing I came up with might—well, I had to ask the Galarians I know for more information about it, and—’

‘Oh. You asked them about the other one, did you? The one who shares my form but not my power?’

‘You know of it, then?!’

‘A bit. But not enough.’

‘Well, they said the alternate coloration of your Galarian counterpart is your normal coloration, just that—’

‘You are insane!’

The argument continued on between the two.

‘I’ve been meaning to talk to you.’

‘About what?’

‘The… the people you consort with.’

‘Wow, what the hell, consort? That’s a little… old. Coming from you.’

Lars was, as always, down in the deepest level of Shoal Cave wearing literally nothing but a pair of shorts (having shed most of his clothing because holy shit the Hoennian weather was starting to become really uncomfortably hot) and just basically savoring the cold weather.

‘Okay, so, what did you want to tell me about them?’

‘Would it be bad to at least have one minimum interaction with them, without having to resort to drinking?!’

‘Well, that’s rich, you’re getting upset just because of that? Really? Like, really?!’

‘Are you trying to kill yourself?! That’s a lot of alcohol you drink!’

‘And so what if it is? Don’t make me bust out the snow cones again!’

‘What, it’s almost that time of the year again?’

‘Why do you think I’m hanging around here, in just shorts, all the way where you always hide?’

‘…fair point.’

Lars was considering reaching for the vape, but realized that the damned thing wouldn’t be functioning so well down here, and so instead grabbed a pack of cigarettes from the pocket of the overcoat, and took out a shitty plastic lighter as well.

‘And you’re smoking. Again.’

‘What, I always smoke!’

‘But not with that!’

‘Do you want me to break the damned thing?!’

‘…again, fair.’

‘I have to talk to you.’

‘About what?’

‘Let’s just say it’s… something. No, not something, more like several someones.’

‘What the hell are you on about now?’

As always, he was at the lowest level of Shoal Cave, in nothing but a pair of shorts (his clothes since been discarded atop the overcoat some distance away) as he lit up another cigarette.

‘I can’t help but think that someone might be hiding something from you.’

‘What makes you say?’

‘Just call it… intuition.’

‘Sometimes you’re wrong about that, though.’

‘Oh, shut it, you, I’m not an infallible one as a lot of your kind claim.’

He sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose and took another drag.

‘How is it you know these things?’

‘Instinct, mostly.’

‘What made you do that?’

‘What, deliberately choosing not to put my friends in danger because of a bigger threat?’

‘You know what I mean!’

Standard routine at this point, Lars at the lowest level of Shoal Cave—the one place he was absolutely sure nobody would be able to eavesdrop on him and where technology would go awry due to the freezing temperatures from the lowest level of the cave systems.

‘I had to. I just had to. I know that it’s not exactly the best time to do it, but—’

‘Leave them in the lurch?’

‘I’m sure they’ll be plenty fine!’

He sighed as he lit up a cigarette—no way he was going to risk his vape down here in the unnaturally cold weather that layered this cavern in Shoal Cave in a perpetual layer of permafrost.

‘I don’t know why you did that, but really.’

‘Look, I can’t trust myself to not talk about… shit that involves them, especially when I don’t want to bring them in for questioning!’

‘Friendship running thicker than alliances?’

‘You got that right.’

He then blew a couple of smoke rings through the cold.

‘You’re worried about them, huh?’

‘What do you think?!’

Lars was, as always, puffing away at a cigarette while sitting down in the cold, frigid snow in the depths of Shoal Cave, the iceborne deity somewhere in the cavern that they called ‘home’.

‘I mean, it’s so obvious with you!’

‘What do you mean?’

‘You going on that speech about staying away, but I know you’re going to worry to death about them.’

‘Look—I don’t want to arrest either of them, okay! How would you feel if you were put on the spot on that? Would you take the fucking heat and man up or run away and try to protect them?!’

Another puff of smoke emerged from his lips, accompanied by a frown.

‘You know, for someone who’s supposed to be ice-cold, you’ve got a blazing-hot temper.’

‘It came with the territory.’

Today… today was just…

He needed some time alone.

Noticeably the familiar presence in the back of his mind was absent as he made his way down to the lowest level of Shoal Cave by himself—no companions, just—just him, alone, much like that trip ‘across the rubicon’ he’d made what, two years and some months ago now.

He wasn’t even sure if bringing Ro or Alpha down here was a good idea.

He just—needed some time alone as he took a turn to one of the smaller deserted ice halls, reaching for a cigarette and lighting it as he did so. Never mind the fucking cold that was chilling the air, this was—this was nothing to him at this point.

What was up with the world, anyway? Hoenn wasn’t like this before… only recently when shit started hitting the fan did more and more catastrophic disasters come barreling towards the region at full-throttle.

A much more frigid wind blew through the area, signaling he wasn’t alone, but… well… yeah.